Not Just Another Person
by southernbookgirl
Summary: Happy and Toby have made it through a lot, but the journey to their happily ever after has not been easy.
1. Lost in One Another

Author's Note: This is an extended re-imagining of "A Thousand Moments". I will be mixing in some parts of a couple other of my stories, but beyond this chapter, all the work will be original thought and separate from the initial post of "A Thousand Moments". Special thanks to Flavato Forever and Anonwrite for their proofreading assistance and feedback! As always, it is appreciated, and I love you both for it!

 _The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials._ ~Chinese Proverb

She had been working on this project for a while, but the last few months had been hard. Never one to leave a project unfinished, she had decided she was ready to pick it back up. At least, she thought she had been ready. Instead, she spent more time gazing at the pictures on her desk than at her tools in front of her. The pictures spoke of a happier time – carefree days of laughter with her Scorpion friends; the tender, first days of her love and relationship with him; the early part of their marriage… All of those pictures were beautiful but sad reminders of a happier, contented past: a wonderful past that instead had been replaced by a dark present with an uncertain future.

Deciding she was ready for a break, she dropped her tools, grabbed her bag, and headed out the door to her bike. She didn't really have a set destination in mind, but before long, she ended up at Kovelsky's. ' _Old habits die hard_ ,' she thought. She ordered her usual – a cheeseburger with extra lettuce and mustard, a medium (albeit caffeine-free) Coke, and a vanilla shake. She then took her meal back to the garage and ascended the stairs to the rooftop. Though the other team members were there, the only acknowledgement of her presence were small nods in her direction. They knew what this day was and all of them, even Walter, knew it was best to let her be.

Sitting there on the rooftop, sipping her shake and staring out at the L.A. skyline, her mind drifted back to the first time she told him she loved him.

 _I got lost in him, and it's the kind of lost that is exactly like being found._ ~Claire LaZebnik

It had been on a Saturday evening, eight months or so after they had started dating. They'd just gotten her first marriage dissolved and had spent the night before celebrating, both with the team and privately at her apartment. On that Saturday, the couple spent the day in bed relaxing – reading, watching movies, just spending quality time with one another. He had gotten up to shower because, as he said, "I've gotta be fresh for my honey bear kitten pie." She had been reading and threw a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face; during the entire exchange, she never broke her concentration from the book she was reading. The mechanic looked up at the sound of his surprised squeal and saw that her boyfriend was grinning like an idiot. She started laughing at the dumbstruck lovelorn look on his face. Grabbing him by the shirt, she pulled him in for a quick, but nonetheless deep, kiss before pushing him towards the bathroom.

"Your breath stinks, you stupid dummy moron jerk. Go get a mint," she complained.

His laughter rang out through the room as he shut the door behind him.

Soon after, Happy heard the shower turn on, the sound of Fifth Harmony's "Work from Home" drifting under the door and into her bedroom. She could hear Toby singing along, albeit off-key. She imagined him dancing and shaking his hips to the music, using the shower brush as a mic as he washed off. She laughed at the mental image. ' _What did I do to deserve him?_ ' she wondered.

Looking around the room, Happy realized for the first time how much Toby had integrated himself into her space and life in the few months they'd been together. He had his own drawer in her dresser and she'd made space in her closet for some of his clothes and other personal belongings. His shirt and pants from the night before were thrown in the corner of her room. A few of his psych journals sat on one of the bedside tables. Thankfully, he preferred the left side of the bed; even if he hadn't, she would not give up sleeping on the right side of the bed for anything. The ring Toby had had made for her was tucked away in a drawer at his apartment. As he'd put it a couple months before, ' _You'll know when you're ready for that step. And when you are, I'll be right here, and we'll take it together._ '

As she glanced around her bedroom and thought back over the last few months, her heart swelled with love for this man who had stood beside her through thick and thin. Even when she had dropped the bomb onto him about her secret marriage, he'd been there for her. Through his kidnapping, her struggle to reconcile herself with her past, and their fight together for their future, he'd never wavered in his love and faith in her. In that moment, she realized something that deep down she had known and felt for some time, but Happy had been afraid to admit this to herself before now.

Just as she was accepting how deep her feelings for him ran, Toby walked back into the bedroom from the adjoining master bath. He had thrown on a pair of pajama pants and a Harvard t-shirt and was towel-drying his hair.

"Hey, sugar plum," he said, bringing Happy back from dreamland into the present. "You look like you had gotten lost in your thoughts. Care to share? You thinking about how to take apart my toaster again? Or how to hotwire a car? Just so you know, I find all that very attractive."

The genius psychiatrist wiggled his eyebrows, and though Happy tried, she couldn't help but release a giggle – something she had before never done with anyone else. At this, Toby made his way over to the bed, a grin reaching his eyes, and she grabbed the front of his shirt. The force of her pull and Toby's weight had them tumbling back onto the bed. He braced himself on the bed, his hands on either side of Happy as she deepened the kiss.

Soon, she shifted; Toby's back was on the bed with his girlfriend kneeling above him. Looking into his hazel eyes, she whispered the words she'd been holding back for months. "Doc, I love you."

Those four words caused Toby's eyes to widen and brighten, a smile of shock and then elation appearing on his face. Gently taking her face in his hands, the psychiatrist whispered "I love you" over and over. He peppered her face and neck with feather-light kisses; the dark-haired genius giggled once again, surprised at how light she felt admitting something that used to scare her so much. Toby had figured out soon after they started dating that Happy was ticklish on certain parts of her neck and her boyfriend used this to his advantage at times. Between her admission of love and their elation at Happy being free from her first marriage, the couple enjoyed a weekend together like no other.

 _I'm lookin' right at the other half of me  
_ _The vacancy that sat in my heart  
_ _In a space that you now hold  
_ _Show me how to fight for now  
_ _And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy  
_ _Comin' back here to you once I figured it out  
_ _You were right here all along…_

~Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors"

The memory of being together, free to kiss and hold one another without fear of reprisal or rejection, brought tears to Happy's eyes as she recalled that moment in her past. The sound of a door opening jostled her out of her dream space. Turning around halfway in her seat, she saw Paige peek around the corner, her eyes asking if it was okay for her to come up. The genius gave a slight nod of her head before turning back around in her seat. She gazed out at the view from the garage; the sky was painted in brilliant streaks of pink, purple, and orange as the sun set on the western horizon. With her wedding ring prominently displayed on her left hand, she fingered with the chain around her neck on which she wore her engagement ring.

The mechanical engineer could sense Paige's presence as she pulled up a chair and sat down beside Happy. For a long time, all the two women did was stare out into the distance, watching the last rays of light fade into the dark night sky.

Happy could feel Paige's eyes on her, silently questioning if she was going to be alright. She wanted to tell her everything she was feeling, but she couldn't. ' _The Doc is the only person I ever feel comfortable with talking about personal things,_ ' she thought. Happy sighed, fighting back tears. Despite how much she wished it were so, Toby wasn't here and there was not a single thing she could do about it. The dark-haired beauty bit her lip, weighing her next words. Finally, she worked up the courage to choke out the words that she had wanted to forget all day.

"We were supposed to celebrate two years of being together today, but I'm here and he's not."

Paige didn't respond right away, knowing that Happy really did not want to talk. So she continued to sit there with her, supporting her in the only way she knew how. Soon, however, she felt that she had to break the silence that had blanketed the two of them. "It's going to be okay," Paige said softly.

Happy was one of the most logical people on the planet, and she knew the wonders of modern medicine. Nonetheless, she felt like she was betraying every fiber of her being when she responded with a curt "You don't know that." She felt that by saying that, she was betraying a part of herself that believed math and science held the solution to every problem in life. However, in this situation, even those were unable to offer Happy a solution that she could grapple with as she struggled to understand and deal with the problem in front of her. The mechanic knew that her relationship with Toby and his influence on her had humanized her, but there were still moments when the robotic part of her nature took over. Very rarely did she feel panic, but when she did, she was usually able to compartmentalize her feelings to try and deal with the present circumstances. But this time was different – she felt like a robot, just going through the motions, but the panic consumed her. Happy was constantly struggling between wanting to be a robot – to try and forget the pain – but unable to stop being human because of how deeply she was affected by the present situation.

During the case when she and Walter had been stuck at the bottom of the ocean in the damaged submarine, Walt had told the seaman that the geniuses took their orders from math and science. ' _Right now we know the odds of survival are slim, but we know that mathematically there's a chance,_ ' he said. ' _Some people call us robotic, mechanical, but in situations like this our constitution is a benefit._ ' She had been panicked then, but she had known that with the team above water, there had been a chance for survival and the thought had a calming effect on her. Well, now, she was in the same situation – her survival uncertain – but no amount of math or science would be able to persuade Happy that there was a chance she could come out unscathed. This time, Happy felt like she was drowning, and she had no idea what to do to keep her head above the water.

And it wasn't just about her survival anymore. The struggle to live had become so real and personal that it made her physically ill to even attempt to imagine what life would be like without Toby. As an almost-unconscious response to this inner turmoil, Happy curled up in her chair, her knees drawn in tightly to her chest. She hugged her stomach as she buried her head into her knees. If he had been there, he might have said something along the lines that her response was one of personal protection, to try and shield herself from an internal or external trouble that threatened to overtake her.

The lanterns had come on, creating a soft, haunting glow of light around Happy's still form. Paige looked at her watch and realized that they had sat there in the silence for almost two hours. A text from Cabe said that Ralph had fallen asleep on Walt's couch, and the rest of the team had gone home for the night. Slipping her phone back into her pocket, Paige shifted her seat closer to Happy.

Paige had felt grief before. But, she was not able to understand what it was like for someone who showed almost no emotion to suddenly be overwhelmed with all of these intense feelings, yet unable to express herself, instead choosing to pretend she was fine. Paige hesitated, afraid of what Happy might do, but decided after a moment of deliberation that she would go for it. She leaned over, took Happy in her arms, and gave her the biggest hug. It was in this moment that the dam broke. Happy's shallowed breathing and occasional whimpering became gut-wrenching sobs. The mechanical engineer tucked her head into Paige's arms as she released months of pent-up stress, worry, and anguish.

Like she would do when Ralph was young, Paige slowly rocked back-and-forth and gently stroked Happy's hair as the genius cried. She said nothing as she held Happy in her embrace.

After a time, Happy whimpered, "I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Damn it, he cannot leave me. I can't do this on my own. He can't leave me…he can't."

Paige's heart broke as Happy uttered those last words. Happy had to know that the team would be with her through this, but nothing could replace what Happy had with Toby. The psychiatrist had once told Paige that it was only when he met Happy Quinn that he discovered what it meant to really live. The geniuses' love for one another was unlike anything Paige had ever seen, and she prayed to God in heaven that a miracle would take place. If not, her heart would be shattered, and Paige was not sure that there was a tool in the world that could fix Happy Quinn's broken heart.

 _If it is possible still to feel love [even] after one has gone, then, certainly, I will love you for all eternity, for you are the [treasure] in my life and I shall cherish you for all time._ ~Anne Reid, in a final letter to her children before she died


	2. In Sickness and In Health

_Author's note: Hello,_ _a new chapter has finally been posted! Just to remind everyone, the first chapter covered a bit of the present and the past. Now, we are starting back in the past beginning with this second chapter, working our way forward through the story of Quintis to move to the present where Happy was left in a state of grief on the roof. (This is not canon with the Quintis storyline in season three - some similarities but the direction differs from that of the actual show.) As always, please feel free to leave your thoughts/comments in the review section! I always enjoy reading them and getting feedback. Thank you._

"There isn't one person in this world that I want more than I want you." ~Anonymous

A couple months after Happy's marriage had officially ended, Paige had convinced Walter to give the team off the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. Toby and Happy were quite pleased with that – Toby had all but jumped out of his pants in excitement over the announcement – but their time off did not turn out quite the way either one had planned. Toby was called away by Homeland Security to help with a separate case in which he had to analyze and pick out possible threats at a G8 Conference held in New York. He left Christmas night; when Happy woke up the next morning, she realized she was suffering from a full-fledged cold.

Coughing and wheezing, sniffling and sneezing – these were the sounds that occupied her day instead of the banging and hammering of her tools on metal to pass the time while Toby was away. Paige and Ralph came over several times during the four days Toby was gone to help her as much as she would let them. Then Sly, while wanting to help Happy, but not expose himself to her illness, sent via Paige various medicines and vitamins to help speed up her recovery. Thus, Happy's "vacation" became a "stay-cation" and a countdown of the days till Toby came home.

Toby's plane landed late on the night of the 29th. Happy, try as she may, was unable to stay awake because the Nyquil and other cold medications had kicked in. So, the only greeting exchanged between the two that night was a light kiss on the forehead and a whispered "I'm home, babe. Love you and sleep tight" from Toby; Happy mumbled her greetings before drifting off to sleep. When she awoke the next morning, feeling better than she had in days, Happy thought it was all a medicine-induced dream until she saw the indentation in the other pillow and her boyfriend's phone lying on the bedside table.

Grabbing her robe, she threw it on as she walked through the bedroom door, down the hall, and to the kitchen where strains of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" could be heard. Glancing around the corner, she saw Toby moving to the beat of the music while mixing what looked like pancake batter in a large metal bowl. The mechanical engineer quietly walked up to him and slid her arms around his waist, leaning forward and up to plant a kiss on the back of his neck. She could hear the smile in his voice when he replied with a "Good morning, sleepyhead. Feeling any better?" She nodded in reply, laid her cheek against his back, and sighed contentedly, glad to finally have her boyfriend back. Toby laid down his cooking utensils, then turned around, where he took Happy into his arms and planted a soft kiss at her hairline.

"I'm sorry you haven't felt well, sweetheart," he said, "but I heard through the grapevine that Sly via Paige kept you well-stocked with vitamins and medication."

Happy could only nod and mumble a reply, as she was still half-asleep and too content in Toby's embrace to utter a proper response. Toby could tell by the way Happy leaned her whole weight into his embrace that she was probably more exhausted than what she was letting on. Though his heart ached for how sick his girlfriend was, Toby did not pass up a moment to have a quiet, serene moment with Happy. These small and vulnerable moments were becoming more of the norm in their private life, and Toby loved and cherished every minute of it.

"You get much sleep while I was gone?" he asked.

Happy replied but it was so quiet and muffled that Toby asked her to repeat it.

"I slept," she reiterated in a louder tone of voice. "However, it wasn't restful because you weren't here for me to snuggle into and cuddle with. I missed you and your warmth." And in a quieter voice, Happy said more to herself as she leaned even further into Toby's embrace, "It isn't home if you aren't here with me."

"Snuggle, huh?" Toby chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose, to which she crinkled her face in response. "You still must not be fully you yet because my Happy rarely uses the words 'snuggle' or 'cuddle'. C'mon, sweetheart. The pancakes can wait; I'm putting you back to bed." Happy tried to fight him, stating "I'm not a baby," but her lack of a struggle – in addition to her snuggling further into the crook of Toby's shoulder – further demonstrated how sick and exhausted she was.

The behaviorist lifted her in his arms and took Happy back to their bedroom without any additional complaint from her, tucking her in with another gentle kiss on her forehead. As he turned to walk away, Happy grabbed his wrist and pulled on him, motioning for him to join her in bed. Toby didn't hesitate to submit to his girlfriend'srequest. He immediately kicked off his slippers and slid underneath the comforter and extra quilts, a peaceful smile on both of their faces. Taking Happy into his arms, she laid her head on his chest, snuggling deeper into his side with a content sigh and a murmured "Love you". Not long after, the couple's breathing slowed and both drifted off to sleep, the most restful sleep either had had in four days.

"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home." ~Stephanie Perkins, _Anna and the French Kiss_


End file.
